Fall from (G)Race

Wednesday witnessed i2's Annual Bash of 2004. Reams of annual report were read, the achievers were lauded and solemn pledges of betterment were made. The event culminated with songs, dances, spirit and hortatory goodwill speeches. Heavily bedecked matronly women sang passionately, sometimes vying with each other for the solitary microphone. And zealous overweight dancers put up on display all their enthusiasm for dance. Aspiring shayars grabbed the stage to regale the inebriated audience, which laughed readily as soon as it sensed a joke coming.

When i2's bus service dropped us in the place, we sat down and waited patiently for the speeches to begin. And, once the speeches began, we slunk out slowly and proceeded to the Karting track. It was after some tactful bargaining that the person in charge agreed to give us a complimentary ticket if we purchased five. We licked our lips, pleased with a reduction of Rs. 25 per head; something that we thought our bargaining skills and our skills alone had been able to entail. And we fondly mused about the deal for around five minutes, standing around in a group. Bugs went and sat on the wall. I suddenly realised that my legs were whining in languor. The rogues, they just had to see their neighbouring pair lift themselves off the ground. They threw a convulsive fit. And they wouldn't stand it anymore. And so I couldn't stand anymore! Anyway, parapet walls were meant to be sat upon. Young boys usually sat gleefully on them while they did not stand on them to pluck mangoes from the nearby trees and while they were not driven away with a birch by the old bespectacled watchman. And when the short-sighted old man shooed them away, they usually went and ascended the wall at the other end of the house and placed themselves regally there and mused over their victory with pride. And so I perched myself on the wall.

We continued to chat excitedly about our karting prospects and the finer nuances that one had to bear in mind to be a good karter. And I cracked a rotten PJ. My PJ cracking abilities, and that PJ in particular, must have captured my imagination greatly; so much that I leaned back and laughed a pompous resounding laugh. And suddenly my seat found only thin air where the wall was supposed to have been. I guess the PJ, whatever it was, captured my imagination so much that I had leant a bit too much! And before I knew, the wall seemed to be climbing on me! And then I realised that I was the one plummeting into the ground behind me. I was a frog falling on its back. It actually felt good to be falling; it gave you a proper perspective of height. And fright! People in roller coasters were deprived of this thrill. After all what is the use of falling if you know you will not eventually fall! This interesting reverie was cut short be a thud like sound I thought I heard (Yes, I was never completely sure). I realised, after a couple of seconds, that I had reached the ground, and was for a moment thankful that the ground had finally come. It felt good to have your feet back on the ground! I then realised that ground actually felt so good because squashed under me were the bushes growing by the wall and my shoulder bag! I was cosily resting in my newfound shanty when I saw faces popping from over the wall and eyes popping out from the faces in absolute mortification! And I was stuck to the ground like a frog lying on its back! The whole situation seemed so comical to me then that I began to smirk. (Bugs later said that he thought it was an attack paralytic smirk!) Then a sudden realisation drove panic up my spine. My mobile phone was inside my shoulder bag that was beneath me, crushed under my weight! A mobile phone is the most important thing in a person's life. Without one, you cannot hope to contact your list of prospective girlfriends, you cannot contact your house-broker, and you cannot even send a "Where are you" SMS to your friend who is a couple of rows behind in the cinema hall! Why, even cadgers have it these days for speedier begging and better coordinated ambushing of an unexpecting docile plausible customer! I started to panic for it. At which point, I still cannot figure out, I did not know what was happening. A pair of sinewy arms grabbed me from behind and shoved my out of my haunt, and a daft girl lifted my legs up and above everything! I was now almost upside down! For a moment I was almost sure that I was going to be landed with a series of 'bumps'. 'Bumps' have been something that have petrified me. They are only meant to be generously given. Never to be taken. At that point, I threw a tantrum, shook away my legs, and slowly made the effort to get rid of my inertia! I slowly got up. Once people made sure I was not hurt, they made sure I was a fool! There were disgusting, indecent guffaws all over the place. This is one reason why I always fake injuries and create a sympathy wave. For, when one is not sympathised with one is always made the butt of all ridicule. That is the rule of the mob. I regretted that I had not been such a good actor for that instant and had given away the shocking truth that I was not injured at all! And to save myself the embarrassment, I also reluctantly laughed! And then, I checked my mobile in extreme apprehension for possible damages. The Godmother had sent me an SMS: Where are you? And I replied, "Amidst a few kindly bushes"! If there is one thing that I savour about the whole thing, it is the sadistic pleasure I had felt because Providence had made sure that the Godmother was denied the fortune of witnessing the incident! Poetic justice!

That incident left the others with indecent guffaws and grins, and left me with a stiff neck and a sore head. I have been feeling sick in the head for the past two days (the pun is not intended. But cynics are those who spot puns where they are least intended.) And I slept for fourteen hours to forget the stiff neck and to stiffen vivid images of their grinning faces.

- posted by Dileepan @ 2:40:00 am

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