Cellular Unplugged!

He actually did it! I could not believe my eyes when I thought I saw him do it. This gentleman seemed one of a perfectly peaceable disposition. Until he walked past me. Well before crossing me, when we casually spotted each other, I thought his countenance wore a rather placid look. Then suddenly, even as we neared each other the blandly tranquil expression segued rapidly, rather a little too rapidly for my comfort I must add, into one of biting ferocity and even as we were about to cross each other, he yelled at me, "You are one of the most inefficient people I have seen on the earth! To hell with you!" I was completely stumped. Shocked. I did not know what to say! I completely endorse the fact, the truism, that I am one of the most inefficient idleness-mongers on the face of the earth. I don't need any telling! But yes, that is precisely the thing. I don't need anybody's telling! To know your rightful place is one thing; to be shown your place in the stable by somebody virtually unknown is quite another. It startled me to say the least! I was left staggering in shock and confused. Until my better senses prevailed.

I convinced myself to turn back and when I did I saw some wireless equipment of the cell phone plugged into his ears. Apparently he must have had a small microphone too. When I came to terms with the whole thing, amused as I was, I felt sanctified, absolved of the guilt of being the main cause for his angst! The incident also reminded me of the advertisement that used to be screened on TV where this elderly gentleman upon entering a restaurant mistakes a svelte woman talking on a miniscule cell phone for her invitation to him for dinner. And when the gentleman, unable to believe his luck, approaches her table to take his seat opposite her, she, having ended her romantic interlude on the cell phone, assumes him to be the waiter and, much to his embarrassment, ends up placing an order for a black coffee!

The incident, nerve-wracking as it was, left me wondering what we would be without the cell-phone. The cell phone has become all-important in today's world. Businessmen striving night and day to seal business deals; stock-brokers closely scrutinising trends at the Sensex; the teenager walking up and down impatiently in an agonising wait for his first date; the girl in the Airtel ad who wants to stay connected to the latest gossip; beggars awaiting the latest details about the day's collection from their Union; match-fixers; where would they all be without the cell phone? Where would you and I be without the cell-phone! Life without these precious little boxes would be as dull as a cycle-stand where the cycles never collapse, a la Sidhu!

I have seen people do strange things with the four inch by two inch contraption. The Short Messaging Service has revolutionised communication a little too much for comfort. The girls that saunter on the MG Road are furiously battling with the keys of the cell phone, while seldom looking up to see what lies ahead in their bovine stroll. The boys inside the cinema-hall are pensively typing out SMSes to their girlfriends who, having entered the hall, are forlorn, unable to locate their guys two rows before. But, as you would have come to expect by now, I have seldom had any luck with my SMSes. Invariably, when I SMS some matter of extreme urgency, Fate fastidiously ensures that the SMSes reach the concerned sender only after I meet him/her. The meeting may be after five minutes, two days, or a week! Or if I am extremely lucky, the SMS may not reach him/her at all sparing me the consternation of having to see the person receive the SMS when he/she is, in fact, talking to me!

SMSes have become so indispensable these days that even the Messenger services of Yahoo and MSN have pandered to peoples' predilection towards SMSes by enabling the option of receiving Instant Messages in the mobile as SMSes. And it has become customary for people to set their Messenger status to 'Im on SMS' when they are not online. Well, while this is an extremely useful option for emergency communications, what happened to the Godmother will always hold me wary. The Godmother had composed a new ringtone all by herself. The very fact she had been versatile enough to compose a ringtone (slightly cacophonous though it was) all by herself made her so proud that she set it as the ringtone that would alert her about a new SMS. And everytime the cell ranted the arrival of a new SMS, she gloated in her self-professed versatility. I am glad life taught her a lesson. When she was in an important meeting with her boss and team, her cellphone began to scream out the raucous melody unendingly. When she checked, abashed and horrified, there were scores of SMSes from the an otiose friend logged on to the Yahoo messenger that read "Why are you on SMS?"! Hard as she strove to delete all of them, the same message just continued to flow in! What a spectacular sight it was to see the Godmother rushing out of the meeting in absolute mortification, the cell-phone hung round the neck resonating a loud clangour like a bell collared to a temple cow! Should I even mention that the first thing that she did was to pulverise her brilliant composition out of the cellphone memory!

And not to speak of this rigmarole of Missed Calls. Missed Call is a term advocated by this group of parsimonious people who habitually deny themselves the liberty to use up their Cell-phone money and deny others the little peace of mind they are entitled to. And they have this sadistic affliction of thwarting the others' attempts to 'Missed Call' them. For my part whenever I have tried 'Missed Calling' people, I have consistently failed to cancel the call at the appropriate time, allowing the recipient to pick up his phone and ending up talking a good five minutes!

My grouses with the cell phone will continue to remain as long as the cell phones themselves remain. But they do not preclude my possessing a cell phone, for without it, I just cannot be! Whether we like it or not, the cell-phone has anchored itself firmly to our lifestyle, and despite the paradox, the mobile is indeed here to stay!

- posted by Dileepan @ 5:13:00 am

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